Numb Terrifies Me

It’s A Dangerous Mind State To Be In

Numb Terrifies Me

Numb terrifies me, why do I feel this way? I have been slipping into a state of mind that terrifies me more than most, numb.

These last few weeks, I have been semi-productive and checking things off of my to-do list. I have been helping my husband out a lot with his business, working on Manic Depictions, supporting other people who need help and being a mom. All the while under the surface I’ve felt like I was going to spontaneously combust. I have felt high levels of anxiety, severe depression, irritability, anger, frustration, racing thoughts and just overall overwhelmed. I have Borderline Personality Disorder among other Mental Health Disorders, so my emotions are very heightened to put it lightly. When I lose control over my emotions I tend to hit a numb state not long after. 

numb

Well, I hit my breaking point. I had a meltdown and lost control over all of my emotions. I didn’t know if I should scream or cry, so I did both. It was quite a sight actually. Then I had to deal with the aftermath of my mess. I had to deal with so many emotions including anger, embarrassment, self-loathing, deep depression and then ultimately the numb feeling. 

I wish that I didn’t have these emotional breakdowns, I wish I had more emotional self-control. I wish I didn’t turn myself into the villain when I get deeply hurt and I wish I would never hit numb again. In reality, though, my Mental Health Disorders control my moods more than I’d like to admit. Not to say that I can’t practice mindfulness, I’m just not very good at it yet. 

Numb is so scary to me because it’s a dangerous state where I am more likely to be suicidal and in a zombie-like mind state. When I am numb Its like my brain just decided to shut down on me, maybe to protect itself, I’m not really sure. I don’t usually get this way though unless I have held in my emotions and haven’t dealt with them as they come or if I get massively overwhelmed. While in this numb mind state, it’s very hard to cope with life.

Here are some suggestions to help get through feeling numb.

Occupy Yourself

Occupy yourself with activities such as puzzles, crosswords, coloring books, photography, reading, writing and anything else that you can do mindlessly or effortlessly.

Talk To Someone

Talk to someone you are comfortable with, if you don’t have someone like that in your life then I would personally recommend therapy. I have a therapist I see every week and she’s very helpful!

Take A Walk

Take a walk outside when that numb feeling comes along. Preferably In a peaceful location. Just being outdoors can help you re-center and collect your thoughts and emotions.

I’m not a mental health specialist. I am just a person with mental health disorders that’s trying to express myself and hopefully, help others not feel numb or alone in their thoughts and emotions

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